Don't wait for the calm waters

When is the best time to learn something new? Or to start a new journey? Or to pursue your dreams?

When I was younger, I used to think that time would be later in my life once I had more clarity on what I wanted to do and more stability. First, I had to look for a job, attend a good university program, and guarantee a future. When I got to university and had a stable job, instead of finally feeling I could pursue my dreams, I looked back, thinking I lost my chance because now that I was older, I have so many responsibilities that I couldn't walk away from. But maybe I would find a time when I was more senior in a role or when I could accumulate enough vacation, and take a sabbatical. Growing in that career was more important than quiet, self-reflective time. My thought then was, “when I have enough money saved, I secured a house, a car, and everything I should have as an adult, then I can focus on finding my purpose and living my dreams."

Last year - when I turned 30 - I had a house, a car, a supportive husband, and two beautiful husky pups. We had just welcomed two little humans into our lives. I had my own company and job stability and was a board member in several community organizations. That was it! That time when I could finally sit, reflect, take time off and decide what my passion was and what I wanted for my life.

But here is what happened instead: this past year was the most emotionally challenging year of my life. I felt overwhelmed with anxiety, had long periods of depression, and felt hopeless and paralyzed. Even though I had achieved all the great things I told myself I needed to have, my emotional, psychological and physical burnout made it hard to keep going. Most days, I wanted to stop everything. I removed myself from many of my commitments and told myself I needed to pause everything in order to finally be able to heal, reflect and move forward.

When I dropped pretty much all my engagements and finally had free time, nothing changed. Yes, I was getting more rest, I was healing, and my physical burnout was improving, but mentally and emotionally the anxiety and overwhelm kept taking the best of me. For the first six months, nothing happened. And the guilt of not making the most use of this calm reflective time started building up on me. All I could think about was how my leave was ending and two months, and I had absolutely zero progress on the next steps of my journey.

The calm waters never came. The turbulence and chaos were inside of me. Trying to pause my life to work on my magical path also didn't work. And that's when I realized: if you want to change, you need to make it on the go. There will never be a perfect time. Start working on yourself today. Dive deep into your unconscious and face your biggest fears. Make time and space for it in the life you already have; don't wait for the calm waters.

I slowly allowed myself to get back to my activities. Put my feet back in the water and let it tell me where to go. But this time I also made time to reflect daily. To think about what activities I engaged in, what revigorated me, and what drained me each day. And make those changes day by day. You navigate the waves as they come, you can't plan for them.

We often think that living in the moment means calm and tranquility and all that zen we hear about. It doesn't have to. Living in the moment means being aware of the chaos, without losing track of yourself. And making adjustments as they are needed. My 31st birthday was very different than my 30th. There was no anxiety, there was no overwhelming. There was just me, enjoying each wave of emotion and opportunity, embracing every drop of feelings and asking myself “what should I do with this?”

Changes are coming. Alignment is coming. But they will come transitionally. Slowly. I'm not waiting for the perfect time to launch it all at once. And if I keep acting on one change at a time, by next year I will be much closer to who and where I want to be.

What goals and reflections are you postponing? What are the big changes you are delaying while you wait for the perfect time? What action can you do today to get them started?